Lucy is an old hand at sleeping on my bed, having spent practically every night with me since day one. Yet she has never made a fuss over the few exceptions to the rule. Ben on the other hand, has resisted a training schedule of ANY kind and frankly I gave up. Besides, I like my dogs as nightly companions but it took an ounce or so of training and some study of sleep patterns to come to terms with both of them on the bed at the same time.

In short, sleep can be divided into two different types. "Slow-wave-sleep", SWS, known as such because the brain waves are very slow and it's a deeper and more restful sleep. "Rapid eye movement" REM sleep occurs when dogs appear to be "chasing rabbits" and have a more complete muscle relaxation. During the entire sleep period, most sleep consists of SWS with short periods of REM sleep occurring at intervals throughout. In dogs, the sleep cycle is about 30 minutes long with 5 to 7 minutes of REM sleep.

Maybe this explains some of the unusual bedtime habits I have observed in my two Gordons and those of you who also share you bed on a regular basis might recognize some of these in your own.

1. Trampoline Exercise or "I'm a Wonderful Tigger!" I put the light out and this is what I get. Brace yourself!

2. The Star of David Lie down, get up, lie down, get up, lie down, etc., covering all points until comfortable. Usually one continuous action.

3. Back to Back My favourite. I do this one with Lucy. It's like having a full length hot water bottle alongside your body.

4. Spoons. An old Classic. Works well with one or multiple Gordons especially if you threw your spouse out awhile back.

5. Oreo Cookie. Sandwiched in between two Gordons in the best Mr. Christie tradition. Pinned beneath the covers until near asphyxiation.

6. The Eagle Has Landed. As the name suggests, spread-eagled on back in middle of bed. Tie all four paws to the bedposts.

7. The Precipice. Balancing on the edge of the bed. That is to say, one of you is.

8. Double Decker. If you are in the habit of sleeping on your stomach like I am it's likely you have already experienced this one. Dog lies full length down one's back resting his head on yours. Like being buried alive. Variation : Reverse Double Decker, Sitting/Standing Double Decker.

9. The Stargazer (we're mainly looking at Uranus). An OK position unless Scotty McFido ate a lot of chicken liver for supper in which case look out.

10. The Avalanche Survival Technique. Shoving sharply with all four feet so as not to get smothered (or at least that's the theory). Succeeds in pushing undesirables out of bed. Can also be a team even with those of you who still have your spouses.

11. Pillow Talk. Entire Gordon on the pillow (your pillow) verbally requesting whatever. Not just reserved for early morning. Keeps your head warm.

Another thing I think you should know is that research shows that dogs deprived of the REM sleep stage (e.g. By being awakened) will make up for its loss during the next sleep period. It seems as if the body requires a certain amount of REM sleep and when it is not received, the need accumulates. So that is why I have just learned to accept the way my guys sleep, or maybe I'm just too tired to fight it.